Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Martin
I Gingerly crept into the deep dark cave. My body slowly shivered with fear as I entered deeper and deeper into the cold and bitter cave. I flicked on my torch and lite up the entire cave with light. The yellow strides of the busted across the cave and the deep dark cave was no longer. However there was still a dark patch of the cave sitting in the corner. The cave was a remarkable Discover with tons and tons of space. I flicked off my light and slowly sauntered out the the cave. The cave was a great discover.
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Well done Martin, this is a great piece of writing. I love the second sentence about your body shivering with fear, it really helps me to feel like I am there. You have used some great words such as sauntered, flicked, strides, bitter that help to give exact meaning and keep the writing interesting. There are a few mistakes in here that I think you would have picked up if you read it a few more times before publishing, but the ideas are great. Well done!
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