Briar
It was remarkable! my little sister had woken up before me! she walked gingerly down the stairs pretending not to hear or take any notice of me as I silently crept down the stairs after her. I followed her back to my room and discovered that she had painted a yellow sun in my bedroom I burst with rage my little sister cowered in the corner I-I-I’m s-s-s sorry she stammered. However I didn’t care, she had ruined my room. It would never be the same again! I growled again in rage I hated her so much sometimes like now.
Great story,but you forgot speech marks when you said
ReplyDelete'I-I-I'm S-S-Sorry'. -Blake
I liked how you said that you get frustrated with your sister like now. from Nate
ReplyDeleteI like how you have used interesting words for your story.
ReplyDeleteI also have a little sister, she has never drawn a sun in my room but she is still very annoying. Ria
from Ria
Briar, you have some great comments here to affirm you and give you some tips for next time (speech marks!). You have the most amazing imagination and always put lots of imagery and voice into your writing - you really have the makings of an author! You have missed a couple of you-know-whats... Before you publish your next post check that each full stop (or question mark or exclamation mark) is followed by a capital letter. But, Briar, I lOVE reading your exciting stories, keep it up! Miss R.
ReplyDelete