Monday, October 17, 2016
Chris
It was dark outside me and my friends were walking home from school we saw a house my mum gives me a torch just in case it got dark coming home we had a different idea we decided we would go into the house that looked as though it was haunted I pulled out my torch the close I got the more I felt like backing out creeping up the stiars we pushed through the door looked up and saw a spider creeping across the house I hoped to never run into that spider agian.
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Chris! I almost turned blue trying to read that! I think you might need to re-read your work and put in some punctuation... unless your goal is to get rid of your teacher, which isn't very nice! Don't forget that when you are trying to figure out whether it is "my friends and I" or "me and my friends", get rid of the other person/ people and then re-read the sentence. It will soon become clear how it should be written. I liked the way you have written "creeping up the stairs" to help us to imagine your story and I am sure next time you will put punctuation in your work so you can help your readers to make sense of the story.
ReplyDeleteFrom Miss R.