It was an ordinary day at school, so it seemed. I was
working on a project that was due Wednesday but Ryan was no help blabbing about
how he was getting a awesome motorbike for his birthday. It looked to be a
normal day, until I saw the monstrosity beast standing outside the window. It
appeared to be a spider and seemed to be made of some sort of metal. There was
one thing I was sure of, it was enormous. Everyone froze in fear, after a while screams echoed through the room. All of
a sudden it just disappeared.
Martin, I love the first sentence, it really hooked me in! You have really started to add 'voice' in your writing. The bit about Ryan blabbing, and 'the one thing your were sure of...' are good examples of this. Very well done Martin, I look forward to your next piece of writing. Miss R.
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